Celebrating Life – A Quick Reflection

34 years ago this month I tried to take my own life – 17 years ago today I said no more to drugs & alcohol.

I stopped drinking alcohol the year before I stopped drugs. I was addicted to the pain meds I was taking for migraines. There was a lot of recreational drug use going on too. Believing that I could only be happy with the aid of distractionsBLUEGOWN2 (drugs, alcohol, food, sex, buying things, etc) I finally realized that by attempting to escape my suffering, I was actually creating MORE suffering for myself and also for others.

A friend once said she couldn’t understand how I could meditate while drunk or high…she said it sounded to her like showing up drunk at God’s door. Her words were more powerful than she knew, IMG_3107and they inspired me to do what needed to be done. I knew I couldn’t go deeper in my spiritual life if I was unwilling to fully surrender to life itself – the light and the dark, the joy and the suffering.

When things get tough I sometimes look back at 1981 and my life since then. I look at 1998 and my life since then too. I am able to see by my own experience that everything in life is impermanent and everything in life offers me a doorway to deeper contemplation. What doorway I choose determines the degree of suffering I experience (or don’t experience).

I often say I’ve lived many lifetimes in this one lifetime and today I’m grateful that I was able to create a new life for myself – especially when the old lives just didn’t serve love – and therefore didn’t serve me!IMG_1766

With metta,

Kate

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