when you let the Divine take the lead
old desires begin to hatch
and be fulfilled
(as a gift from Love Herself)
And so is my life…this life I dreamed of. This life I was afraid might be too big for me. This life. This life that is filled with an abundance of love and where my every need is met. This life where I am no longer a slave of desire but a vessel through which life manifests itself in loving kindness and compassion.
Letting Go of Attachments….that’s the class I am taking now at the Asheville Insight Meditation Center. We began with letting go of the physical and I began with letting go of books. Lots and lots of books. By the time I was done weeding out the keep from the don’t keep, I had created space on my shelves that I haven’t seen in years. Through the process, I also created space in my heart and mind. As I looked through my collection of psychology, self-help, spirituality, and religious books, I was reminded of my journey – where I began and how far I’ve come. I confirmed that while I was open to many thoughts, ideas, and perspectives, my deepest healing always manifested through the practice of mindfulness. I began to understand why the new age and pop spirituality so prominent in our culture today has helped me tremendously, and why it’s time for me to let it go. Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford, Wayne Dyer, Iyanla Vanzant, and many others….they helped me. Some helped by bringing a magical clarity to life and others by muddying the waters and forcing me to ask questions just as I had asked religious leaders of my childhood. And while I am grateful to all of my teachers and kept a few of those books, I have come to know that I am my most reliable teacher.
I teach myself through direct experience. I question my conclusions and trust that my conclusions, like my questions, are as impermanent as my past need for teachers outside myself who once made perfect and total sense and then one day they didn’t.
I no longer look to vision boards to create the life I desire, although I respect and appreciate the process of visioning to gain clarity of my heart’s desires. Instead, I meditate. I sit and while I sit I sometimes suffer and when I suffer I sit with that and I learn……I learn that I create my own suffering and my own joy. I learn that I am connected to all that is – to you – to this laptop I’m typing on – to the birds outside my window who receive such great joy when they discover that I’ve filled the feeder and perhaps distress when they find I haven’t. I discover through experience and I take that experience from the cushion to life off the cushion. And life creates itself and fills my every desire.
This week and for a couple weeks now I have shared my home with an amazing woman; kindred spirit. We meet in the morning to meditate and this morning I reconnected with my yoga practice. And I juiced. And I said thank you for all that I’ve received.
On Wednesday I’ll have the great good fortune to spend a few hours with the cats and kittens at Brother Wolf Animal Rescue and that evening I’m hosting friends in my home for a sound meditation . On Thursday I’m giving a sound massage to a new friend of Spa de la Paz and on Saturday, after class of course, I’ll facilitate the AIM Strategic Planning Committee, also here in my home.
I’ve said often and for quite awhile, I don’t want a life separated into work/home/pleasure – It’s all the same and it’s all who I am and what I have to offer. And here I am now, watching it unfold. No longer a slave to my desire but a recipient of gifts from Love Herself. And I am grateful.