Wow. May 18th was my last post and I haven’t even looked at Journeys since that last writing. Yet sooooo much has happened which I suspect, everyone who reads my blog already knows.
Shortly after that post, I made a trip to Atlanta for a two day art show, vended at a two day art show in Maryland. And then received a letter indicating early retirements with bonuses were taking place in my Agency. Needless to say and long story short, I took the early out and moved to Asheville, where nothing could be fina’ than retirement in Carolina!
I said GOODBYE to 4a.m. wake ups! , government bureaucracy, and living on three levels! I completed my Peter Hess Sound Massage Certification… and moved to my dream home with a spectacular kitchen window view!
Within the first two weeks of mountain living I done trapped my own possum! And slowly but surely, things started coming together… It’s been over a month since my move and my blog has been on my mind. Streams of consciousness often pour into my mind and I think about sitting down and writing and then hear myself saying, “No, no…not until I have a clear purpose for my blog.”
I like to think of this retirement as my inspirement. Baby boomers are changing the face of retirement and for me, it represents financial security for me to now do what I long to do – but am I really clear with that longing?
I have so many ideas….so many things I’ve always wanted to do.
I told myself I would give myself six months to be retired and just enjoy what I’ve left behind and what I’ve created. If the government plays its part, I’m financially stable enough to do that, and I believe I’ve passed through the freak-out hoop of getting my bonus/pension on track. I’ve spent the past month nesting and getting out with new friends, and I’ve experienced lots of out-of-town guests and new locations. I’ve enjoyed, savored, and given thanks for every single day of this new life. And yet in the back of my mind have existed some shoulds and fears…..
Next week I’m beginning a six week program with a business coach to help me achieve clarity regarding Spa de la Paz, Journeys of a SpiritualGadabout, and Kathy Rose Mandala sales. Last Sunday I attended service at Jubilee and felt very much at home. Jubilee is completely plugged into community service of all kinds and finding the right opportunity for service is very important to me. I am definitely interested in a Buddhist Sangha and was thrilled to discover the Asheville Insight Meditation Center (which is also very active in community service). I’ll visit that center very soon. And speaking of Buddhist Centers, I could hardly believe that my new home is just down the street from the Asheville Shambhala Center. In some ways, this entire paragraph is filled with the shoulds and fears I was referring to earlier. Time goes by so quickly and this is the first time in my life that I feel completely open to doing what I want to do without the security blanket of a regular paycheck. That said, I will have a regular paycheck – it’s just going to look different than my bi-weekly paycheck. And to create the lifestyle of my vision, it’s going to take more than my monthly pension.
Since I haven’t blogged lately, I’ve shared most of my doubts and fears on Facebook. I get lots of support from friends and family but more than that, I really enjoy a community where I feel safe being vulnerable with others and others feel safe being vulnerable with me. We ALL have fears and shoulds…. at least everyone I know…. and life is so much more glorious when we let down our guard and share our vulnerabilities…our doubts… our fears.
To that end, when I share my doubts, fears, or insecurities, I do so to crack open a door for that vulnerability. I know I will get through my fears…..I know I’ve done it before…..for me, it’s NOT about being reminded of what I already know….. it’s about exploring the fears – and dare I say even anger?….Where did it come from?….What does it really feel like?……How does it serve me? (yes, I believe that feeling my anger can and does serve me).
When I first started this blog I had realized that Facebook was not the forum I wanted to express deep thought or to share my life process of whatever I was experiencing at the time. I am a communicator – and writer – so I need the outlets. But how I use those outlets will continue to evolve and clearly Facebook will see less process and more day-to-day experiences while Journeys will see more openness in regards to what I’m experiencing physically, spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually, as well as lessons I’ve learned from my past that until now I wasn’t necessarily willing to go public with telling. I’m looking forward to observing how my new life flows and unfolds and invite you be a part of the unfolding!
As I look out my front window and watch squirrels at play, cars go by, and dogs with their people walking down the street, I feel extremely blessed. While Paz and Jaxson have had their challenges (who am I kidding? while the three of us have had our challenges!) we’ve also had total bliss. I walk around this house with a smile on my face… I sing and dance… And I reflect upon all that was that brought me here. When asked about their past, people often say they wouldn’t change a thing and really, I probably wouldn’t either. Because I really really like where I am right now, right here. Life is good and I am grateful!