I didn’t intentionally stop writing. In fact, I thought I had every intention to write. I hadn’t closed the chapter on my summer journey. I wanted to acknowledge some major milestones in my life. I wanted to share my thoughts regarding so many things going on in the world. My silence was two-fold…
The frozen shoulder I mentioned in earlier writings got… well… frozen. And with the freeze came horrible pain. And with the pain came some slight depression. And with the depression came the need to reflect and consider my current path – plans and goals – so I could become clear with my desires, and able to better articulate my thoughts and feelings. For some, depression is an enemy. I’ve learned to embrace depression when it presents itself because I’ve learned that depression has something very important to teach – if I am willing to learn.
And quite frankly, sitting at a computer hurt! Even now, I feel slight discomfort in my left arm. This happens when I’m at the computer whether it be at home or in the office. Things seemed to fall into place during Nov, Dec, and the first couple weeks of January. I did a lot of work at home and had a lot of time off. While I experience discomfort when typing at home, I’m able to move around from one location to another so that I’m constantly adjusting my body. I might start here in the dining room and during a nine hour day find myself in the living room, at the kitchen counter, the guest room, and even in bed. When I’m in the office – in the god forsaken world of cubicles – I have one place to sit, and sit I do, rarely leaving my desk and even eating my lunch there.
I am well aware of the importance of ergonomics. And I am mindful of the position I’m putting my body in each day. That’s one thing my body was telling me – stop putting yourself in uncomfortable and unhealthy positions just because it’s easier than changing the current environment. To that end, I just walked upstairs to grab a meditation tool. By adding this to my chair, the keyboard is lower than my elbows and guess what… no throbbing arm! This is exactly what I’m talking about. Sometimes I’m too lazy to just walk upstairs and get something that will immediately bring relief to a physical problem that can easily get worse by continually ignoring the problem. Just like emotional issues – I know that ignoring those issues won’t make them go away and will most likely lead to getting worse!
So the physical aspect of spending 2 or 3 hours even once a week to blog was something I felt I couldn’t do. Instead, I went to physical therapy twice a week, continued an anti-inflammatory diet, walked as much as I could motivate myself to walk, and yes, took pharmaceuticals (an anti-inflammatory and pain medications). I started out with herbals and I believe that under different circumstances I could have managed with herbals, massage, acupuncture, and meditation. This time I chose a different route.
The pain of my shoulder and the frozen condition was a perfect metaphor regarding how I was feeling during the last 70 days and those days leading up to my last entry. Even now, as I describe the condition of my shoulder as thawing, I laugh at how that describes my current emotional state. Because in many ways I entered a state of deep freeze this fall and having experienced the depth and darkness of winter (and our recent polar vortex) I feel as though I’m relaxing, releasing, thawing out and letting go of rigid beliefs that have kept me frozen in time and situations that really and truly, no longer serve my desires. While it’s not yet spring, my shoulder, mind, and heart are thawing; and that’s why I can now return to blogging.
The first picture in this post is where I like to be when I blog. It’s warm, bright, and cozy. I have access to anything I might need during the 1 – 3 hours it takes for me to write (the more pictures and links, the more time it takes). With this new year, I’m committing to blog on Sundays.
Most everyone knows that I like to stay home on Sundays. It’s my day to do the things I love; cook, read, journal, hang out with the boys, and yes…blog! I like to watch CBS Sunday Morning and since I have no way of watching it other than real-time, I like to sit down with a cup of tea from 9-10:30 and listen to and watch interesting and often visually pleasing segments relating to life and current events. I sometimes give up my Sundays for other things. If there’s something I want to do and it’s only offered on Sunday, I’ll do it. I’ve become mindful of when I feel like I am giving up my Sunday to, rather than spending my Sunday to… And I’ve recommitted to myself, to spend Sundays the way that best nourishes and feeds my soul.
I’ve thought a lot about what I might write. Since I haven’t had the blog as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings, I’ve diverted some of what I would normally write about, back to Facebook. And I’ve thought about how (if) I want to comment on topics pertaining to Edward Snowden, the new book by Former Defense Secretary Gates, Bridgegate, and other topics that may or may not trigger passionate responses from readers.
I have been quite open about my blog and invited not only co-workers but even my supervisor to read if he is so inclined. Honestly, I think he finds other materials more interesting but I’ve noticed that before I write something, I often think about who might read it. And that’s another freeze that is thawing.
If I write about what’s happening in my life, does that open my friends, family, and work associates to a public outing they would prefer stayed private? If I change the names to protect the innocent, how do I change the relationship – my sister, my boss, my niece, my friends – so that the person isn’t somehow identified? I haven’t reached a solution for that particular problem but I have decided that my goal with this blog is to write about my human experience. I would rather provide the experience here than on my Facebook page. At least here, if someone doesn’t want to read what I have to say, they don’t get the details on some wall or ticker. I need to communicate openly honestly, and authentically. It’s really the purpose of this blog, to remove the fear of what people might think or say and be who I am in your presence, thereby showing others that they can walk through their fears. We can take off the masks together or at the very least, begin to realize that what one of us fears the world might see, is actually not so very horrible after all.
So with this very long post I am making this promise, to show up and be present. To share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences, not as some wise sage and spiritual teacher but as a fellow gadabout, traveling through time and space. My plan is to write on Sunday’s when I’m not out of town or entertaining guests. But I also plan to publish short posts on topics any time the mood strikes me, from what I’ve learned about making the best kale chips ever, to what’s going on in my life, and what I think or feel about something going on in all of our lives.
I welcome feedback – in fact I’d love to hear from you. I still plan to recommend books, restaurants, and anything else I find especially fabulous. If you are curious about something I’ve touched on and want more information, leave a comment or send me a note. If you’d like me to write about an experience I had at your place of business or with a product you’re selling, send me a note. Feel free to share the blog if you believe someone else might enjoy it. I really enjoy this process and for now, my sole purpose of blogging is to feed my soul’s purpose – to grow beyond my own boundaries, share my journey with others, and facilitate the journey of others who might be interested.
My Facebook page is a place to share my day-to-day happenings. My Spa de la Paz Facebook page is going to be revamped to better support the direction of Spa de la Paz and my upcoming retirement (you know I had to mention that in here somewhere, right?). And Journeys of a SpiritualGadabout is where I go to express my thoughts, feelings, and desires. I love to read and I love to write. What I’ve relearned during this deep freeze is that the only thing that can ever get in my way of having what I want, is me. And once again I’m stepping out of my own way and moving forward!