It almost feels too predictable that on my last day of this summer project, My Ayurvedic Journey, I am unsure as to whether or not I will go to work tomorrow. You see I began this journey in July, just days before furlough under sequestration, and on this New Fiscal Year’s Eve, we are under the threat of a government shutdown. Clearly government service no longer provides the security it once did and while this process is painful, I really do believe it is supporting my next chapter; but I’m getting ahead of myself.
As this journey comes to an end, this is what I’ve learned & experienced:
My cholesterol lowered by 33 points from Aug 2012 to Sep 2013. My Vitamin D increased from 13 to 37.
I released 6 pounds in July. August brought a change in my work schedule due to training which meant much longer days. It also brought at least two weeks of illness and some god awful hot & humid days. I gained 6.5 pounds.
September brought cooler temperatures and a clearer focus on what my physiology needed. I’m on Day Eight of a 90-Day Candida Cure that I intend to extend through December. I’m taking longer walks and I have completely eliminated sugar from my diet. I have released that 6 pounds again.
I learned that I have a tendency to focus on what I’m not doing well, rather than focus on what I do, do well. In other words, I began this journey looking at all the Ayurvedic practices that I don’t follow every single day and ignored everything that I was doing.
I also learned that vanity and good health do not motivate me enough to maintain the lifestyle I envision for myself. I’ve come to fully embrace my body as the “God Pod” that Kris Carr named it to be. When I eat and when I walk I now have a mantra, “My body deserves everything that I AM.” Think about it, that is a significant shift from any other way I’ve ever perceived my body. When I view my body as a gift that allows me to experience this physical world, I see that I owe it everything that I am and I am so very grateful for all that it’s given me.
I also rediscovered just how much I tend to seek perfection. I say rediscover because honestly, I thought I had dealt with this. But this summer I found myself beating myself up because the food I ate wasn’t fresh enough, I didn’t meditate long enough, or walk fast enough. I’ve had to reflect upon what the “lifestyle I envision for myself” looks like, and that no longer includes a specific number of pounds, calories, miles, or minutes on the cushion. It is not identified by who I am friends with, what events I attend, or how I earn my living. The lifestyle I envision for myself is one filled with joy, laughter, kindness, compassion, love & gratitude. That’s it – that’s the lifestyle I have created for myself that I intend to maintain through good health, satisfying work, and deeply committed relationships.
I am no longer afraid of debt. I feel no shame or guilt by the debt that is currently in my life. That said, I still have some work to do on this. I can still go into a funk sometimes when I think about my finances; especially when I successfully make it through a furlough and find myself threatened with a shutdown. That’s part of the process for me – it’s the shadow side of walking through my fears.
It occurred to me last week that I have been telling myself a story about early retirement, telling everyone that even if an early retirement is offered, I’m not in a position to accept it. When I finally observed that I was story telling I decided to actually talk to HR to find out the truth (rather than my made up version of the truth) and truth be told, if an early out is offered, it is very likely that I most certainly can accept it! This knowledge, along with Spa de la Paz and a new venture with Kathy Rose (vending her hand made mandalas) is motivating, encouraging, inspiring and convincing me that I can create a new life for myself right now, right here. Of course it is all in timing when I say right now… what I am sharing is that a door that only last week was shut tight and locked is now unlocked and opening and it was the emotional work I did during the furlough that allowed me to knock on that door today to discover the truth of my possibilities.
I plan to continue with the blog. I’m going to pay the yearly fee to get rid of the ads so you don’t have to deal with them. And I plan to write the blog only one day a week. It’s very difficult to write a blog after working all day. I’ll write on such topics as, the individual functions of the MBTI, restaurants that I haven’t mentioned this summer, my progress with the 90-Day program, and these crazy streams of consciousness I have on topics like fear, loss, vanity, and gratitude. I’ll continue to recommend products and services that I come across and ultimately I plan to tie in the blog with Spa de la Paz and other outside ventures.
I really appreciate those of you who take the time to read what I share in these posts. I’m always touched when someone tells me they don’t comment but want me to know they read it and enjoy it. It’s a work in progress and for me it’s also a talent and skill in progress as I open myself to claiming the writer within. By reading my blog and sharing it on Facebook, you hold a space for me and I am grateful.
And now….what I’ve waited all day for…I am going to watch the season finale of Breaking Bad!