I have a running list in my mind of things I’ll do when I have the time – like today. I have nothing but time today and in fact, tomorrow as well. I have some things I want to do that are work related, cooking, walking, visiting a friend who recently moved close by, journaling, reading, blogging, cleaning a closet, taking pictures and writing a description of what I have to offer so I can post on Facebook that I’m ready for a housemate, and of course there are always things I can do for Spa de la Paz. When I went to bed last night, I thought of all these things but I didn’t write anything down. I didn’t commit to doing any of them.
One thing I have committed to is clearing up the candida overgrowth in my body so it was no struggle at all to go to the market this morning and purchase what I need for kitchadi, soups, and stews. When I got to the Whole Foods parking garage I found the perfect spot waiting for me but it was next to one of those HUGE trucks – I’m sure you know the kind – they are God Awful big and always pose the question, “Who needs that kind of vehicle?” I observed just how judgmental I was about the truck, then how judgmental I was of me for judging the truck, and then let it go. I did my shopping and when I arrived at the counter to check out, I realized I had forgotten my shopping bags. Which immediately created judgment of how I only forgot those bags because I was so busy judging that truck! I asked a nice woman in line if she would watch my cart, ran to get my bags out of the trunk, noticed the truck was still parked there, and laughed at myself all the way back to the store. How many opportunities do I miss or forget because of judgment of me or someone else?
When I came home with all of this delicious, nutritious, healthy, and needing to be cooked food, I was in no mood to cook! I thought about that mental list. I even thought about writing the list down but that wouldn’t really work because if I wrote it down, I was committing to it. I began to negotiate with myself – this will be the last weekend that I dive into TV distraction (after all it’s going to rain so it’s a perfect day for it). I thought about how I could sit in front of the TV today, and do everything on my list tomorrow. Honestly, I ran through several negotiations and finally decided I’d take Paz for a walk and see what happens when I got back.
During my walk I reflected on my day to day judgments – those that are beneficial and those that aren’t. The conversation in my head inspired a blog post so that was cool – another item marked off my mental list of things I could choose to do today…
Yesterday I had my annual physical. I love my doctor! She is an internist and so scientific and matter-of-fact. Yet, she has a nice bedside manner. She has never dismissed anything I ask about. However, this is what our typical conversations sound like:
Doctor: Shall I give you a flu shot?
Kate: No thank you.
Doctor: Why? blah, blah, blah
Kate: Because. blah blah blah
Doctor: blah blah blah
Kate: blah blah blah
Doctor: Okay but you understand why you should get a flu shot
Kate: Yes Doctor, thank you
Insert practically any topic for the same conversation! I shared with her my new commitment to eliminating the overgrowth (we all have candida; I am not attempting to eliminate it from my body). I showed her the book that describes the program I’m following. I explained that I needed another prescription of Diflucan and showed her the protocol recommended in the book. My doctor is such a dear! She explained the potential bad side effects of taking the anti-fungal and also stated she had, “Read no scientific evidence to support the claim that either the problem or the solution is something I should be concerned with.” So we agreed I would commit to a serious execution of the 90 day program, to include a prescription from her for Diflucan, and I will never ask for it again.
Oh and I also want to mention that she gave me a clean bill of health and said, “Keep doing what you’re doing!” My Vitamin D has gone up and my cholesterol has gone down. So it looks to me like we’ve got some scientific evidence that whatever I’m doing, it’s working!
One of the recommendations in the book is to drink Red Clover tea which benefits the blood. So I contacted Jenny at Zensations in Hampden (no website so let me know if you want contact info). Jenny owns an herbal apothecary and just that description is kind of cool and groovy to me. She made a special blend of Red Clover, Calendula, and Rose. For at least a while, this will replace my black or rooibos tea with honey and cream. I’m feeling really good about this! And a little nervous, truth be told.
So it’s almost noon. It’s not yet raining but I can feel it coming in. I’m going to confess here…I’m going to watch some TV today. This sounds so incredibly crazy but I have started watching Murder She Wrote. I don’t think I ever watched the show the entire time it ran on prime time television. But for some reason, I was recently drawn to it.
First of course, I had to get past my judgment of the show, TV, the time I spend watching TV, etc. Another opportunity to just love myself by observing, accepting, and letting go. I finally confessed my compulsive watching of the show to a friend and you know, confession really is good for the soul! Once it was out in the open it was easy to just laugh and watch another episode.
So this is what happens when I watch it – I feel like my Mom is sitting in the chair right next to me!
I did some checking and it seems Angela Lansbury and Mom were about the same age. Mom really enjoyed that show and with every episode I watch, I understand why. For my Mom, at that time of her life, I think the show was a perfect distraction. Although their lives were completely different, I imagine Mom could relate to the fictional character of Jessica Fletcher, in the same way I relate to contemporary characters in books, movies, and TV shows. As a young woman my Mom wanted independence – she wanted to join the military but her own Mother wouldn’t allow it. I know Mom had no regrets of raising a family and I also know she loved that her daughters grew up to be in the military and police department and traveled the world. Like (I imagine) her thoughts watching Jessica Fletcher solve murder mysteries, she lived vicariously through all of us – her daughters – and because of us, saw much of the world that she was so curious to see. And back to my own enjoyment of watching the show, I really love seeing all those actors who were so popular back in the day while today, many have returned, like Mom, to the light.