When I look back at my Week 2 intentions and the actual execution of my plan, well, let’s say the two are not in complete alignment. Mostly because I would forget to do something in the morning. I have a vision of my morning and evening routines but when I wake up I’m set on automatic. Most days I would be on my way downstairs before realizing I had forgotten to do something. Looking back, what I forgot wasn’t even in my second week intention! Time to get more organized! Tomorrow morning I will wake up with a little love note to myself, reminding me to do a few things.
When Shirley was here a couple of weeks ago, we had a photo session. I wanted some fun before pics. It takes a really good friend to be there for before pics! This mannequin is in the dressing area of my bedroom. One day I was looking at it’s size and thought, “that mannequin is the size of my healthy body!” I went to the closet and grabbed some clothes and sure enough – it is! I’m not expecting to get into that pink top on September 30th – after all, this isn’t a diet – I have no timeframe to achieve a certain goal weight. I have a plan to create health and vitality, slowly and surely and wearing that top is my healthy goal. In two weeks I’ve released a healthy 2.5 pounds per week. And the changes have been gradual, loving, and gentle. I’m walking more and looking forward to my walks – that makes a HUGE difference. And I’m eating quality foods. Still, I haven’t really eliminated anything. One day this week someone offered me a piece of toffee covered in dark chocolate – I accepted and enjoyed every tastebud explosion. At some point I will eliminate sugar altogether but for now, I’m fine with approaching everything in moderation.
I was happy I had plans to stay home today. The news of the Zimmerman verdict was too much to bare this morning. At first I wanted to be distracted. I wanted to watch movies and eat – eat anything. But I knew that wasn’t what I needed to do. I needed to feel the anger, disappointment and sheer astonishment brought on by the verdict. I needed to feel the sadness and the suffering blow. I posted on Facebook, “I am not my brother’s keeper – I AM my brother.” And through prayer and reflection I realized I am not just my brother Trayvon, I am also George. And that realization stunned me. For if we are all one, I am the darkness as well as the light. I am the right and the wrong. I am justice and injustice. I am Trayvon and I am George. I acknowledged that I cannot love one without loving the other.
That does not mean I condone the verdict or the actions of George Zimmerman. It means that as I see life, I cannot love and hate. There is no absence of love in my heart. I have deep compassion for Trayvon and his family and friends. I have deep compassion for my brothers and sisters of color who feel so betrayed by a justice system that appears so morally wrong. And I have deep compassion for George and his friends and family and those who believe he did nothing wrong. Because in that belief is terrible suffering. In that belief is separateness from the One. And separateness is the most tragic of all suffering.
I call on radiant light to immerse us all in a love so big there is no room for hate. And I stand grounded in accepting what has happened without distracting myself with food or negative thinking. I trust that through this experience, we will all grow to a new level of understanding. Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.