If I Am The Light; I Am Also The Darkness – I Am That, I Am

When I look back at my Week 2 intentions and the actual execution of my plan, well, let’s say the two are not in complete alignment. Mostly because I would forget to do something in the morning. I have a vision of my morning and evening routines but when I wake up I’m set on automatic. Most days I would be on my way downstairs before realizing I had forgotten to do something. Looking back, what I forgot wasn’t even in my second week intention! Time to get more organized! Tomorrow morning I will wake up with a little love note to myself, reminding me to do a few things.

IMG_1029When Shirley was here a couple of weeks ago, we had a photo session. I wanted some fun before pics. It takes a really good friend to be there for before pics! This mannequin is in the dressing area of my bedroom. One day I was looking at it’s size and thought, “that mannequin is the size of my healthy body!” I went to the closet and grabbed some clothes and sure enough – it is! I’m not expecting to get into that pink top on September 30th – after all, this isn’t a diet – I have no timeframe to achieve a certain goal weight. I have a plan to create health and vitality, slowly and surely and wearing that top is my healthy goal. In two weeks I’ve released a healthy 2.5 pounds per week. And the changes have been gradual, loving, and gentle. I’m walking more and looking forward to my walks – that makes a HUGE difference. And I’m eating quality foods. Still, I haven’t really eliminated anything. One day this week someone offered me a piece of toffee covered in dark chocolate – I accepted and enjoyed every tastebud explosion. At some point I will eliminate sugar altogether but for now, I’m fine with approaching everything in moderation.

I was happy I had plans to stay home today. The news of the Zimmerman verdict was too much to bare this morning. At first I wanted to be distracted. I wanted to watch movies and eat – eat anything. But I knew that wasn’t what I needed to do. I needed to feel the anger, disappointment and sheer astonishment brought on by the verdict. I needed to feel the sadness and the suffering blow. I posted on Facebook, “I am not my brother’s keeper – I AM my brother.” And through prayer and reflection I realized I am not just my brother Trayvon, I am also George. And that realization stunned me. For if we are all one, I am the darkness as well as the light. I am the right and the wrong. I am justice and injustice. I am Trayvon and I am George. I acknowledged that I cannot love one without loving the other.

That does not mean I condone the verdict or the actions of George Zimmerman. It means that as I see life, I cannot love and hate. There is no absence of love in my heart. I have deep compassion for Trayvon and his family and friends. I have deep compassion for my brothers and sisters of color who feel so betrayed by a justice system that appears so morally wrong. And I have deep compassion for George and his friends and family and those who believe he did nothing wrong. Because in that belief is terrible suffering. In that belief is separateness from the One. And separateness is the most tragic of all suffering.

I call on radiant light to immerse us all in a love so big there is no room for hate. And I stand grounded in accepting what has happened without distracting myself with food or negative thinking. I trust that through this experience, we will all grow to a new level of understanding. Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.

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4 Responses to If I Am The Light; I Am Also The Darkness – I Am That, I Am

  1. Carol-Ann says:

    I also have had contradictory emotions regarding Mr. Zimmerman’s trial & verdict. I think it came down to Zimmerman’s attorney doing a better job of defense. The prosecution did not prosecute! No one was a true witness to what happen except a young man who can no longer speak and Mr. Zimmerman who will have to live with this tragedy all the days of his life. I too send love to the Martins & their family, losing a child is more pain then a parent should ever have to experience. Mr. Zimmerman now has the opportunity to do many loving kindnesses the rest of his days. The court has made their decision, not let it rest like Mr. Martin in peace.

  2. I didn’t watch or read anything about the trial (staying away from news as much as possible these days) but I have heard that many agree with your assessment regarding the prosecution. I like your vision, “Mr. Zimmerman now has the opportunity to do many loving kindnesses the rest of his days.” And I am reminded that so do I…

    • Carol-Ann says:

      Kate: Routines & habits are hard to establish & break. But this is what I do:
      Before going to bed I look at my calendar for the next day.
      I lay out my cloths
      Clean off the kitchen counter & sink ( I hate getting up to stuff still in sink from yesterday).
      I put all the things I need to take with me at the door I.e., if going to yoga my mat, purse, water bottle.
      When I worked I would also have my lunch ready to go.
      I try to do as much in the evening as I can because I am not a morning person & just want all my stuff ready to go. No having to decide what to wear, whats for lunch, where is my purse & keys.
      Over breakfast I check my calendar again, take out whats for dinner and leave the house with bed made & sink clean.
      Even being retired now I still stick to my routines; old habits are hard to break.

      {hugs} Carol-Ann

      • Thanks Carol-Ann! Yes, I do the same type of preparation every night before bed. I even lay out my clothes – don’t want to think about it in the morning. I wrote myself a love note last night and managed to do everything on the list this morning (but of course that is for this afternoon’s blog!)

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